Lately, people have interpreted my trying to be kind as a lack of backbone, and my grandmother gave me advice that I think we all could use. She told me, “Do no harm, take no-,” and then she said a word I won’t use here. I’m sure the sentiment is still understood.

She told me that people will walk all over someone whose first priority is to be kind, or someone who would rather keep the peace than raise a conflict over being mistreated. She said that kindness isn’t the problem, but rather the people that take advantage of someone’s kindness. People have no issue with plowing through someone who won’t say a word about it, so she said that I need to start saying something about it.

People that know me will tell you that I never shut up, or maybe that I’m obnoxiously loud, in some cases. I can be loud sometimes, but when it counts, like when someone is saying that I’m way too loud all the time, I won’t say a word. Standing up for myself is something that I struggle with, even when I know that I am not responsible for other people’s actions. How someone else feels about me, in my opinion, shouldn’t be any of my business, but it’s almost impossible to keep to that when people keep making it my business.

I think going forward I will try to stay kind, but also stand up for myself. I don’t think that correcting people’s false assumptions and asking them to extend the same kindness to me is unkind, but it feels mean to confront someone about the way they speak about or to me. Mutual respect is important, but nobody is going to just give it to me. I guess just don’t be mean but also don’t let others be mean to you either?